Asking Eric: Girlfriend’s adult son gets in the way of relationship

Dear Eric I have a -year relationship unmarried My girlfriend continues to communicate with her -year-old son Having him determine for her what to do in the relationship She does not want to communicate with me She tells me one day she loves me the next day she does not want to talk Should I just end the relationship I ve tried to explain to her the things she s done to me but she will not let me finish the conversation when I continue to explain her actions toward me Is this a narcissist and should I just end the relationship thoroughly Unloved Dear Unloved First a couple of follow-ups to ask yourself Has it invariably been this way or is this new Have you explored couple s counseling obviously without the son Do you feel that the son s influence on your girlfriend is more than just intrusive i e emotionally manipulative The answers to these questions ostensibly won t change the answer to your big question but they may offer selected context or options for getting your girlfriend help The big answer remains the same this relationship isn t working for you right now and it sounds like it s time to separate Communication is the cornerstone of a relationship so if you can t talk to each other or if she won t talk to you it s hard to see a path forward Are you happy together Do you feel valued In a relationship you may not feel swoony and enamored every day but this kind of hot cold withholding that she s doing is unhealthy and unkind She s not in the place to be the partner that either of you demands Dear Eric My sister and I have never been close My sister I ll call her Lydia has been a pathological liar from the time she learned to speak Our mom became terminally ill and was unable to stay by herself and was adamant that she would never be put long term in a nursing facility She had the financial ability to pay for a caregiver to stay with her in her home Mom s grandson volunteered to stay with her Because of her macular degeneration Mom gave her grandson access to her financial information and added him as a signer Long story short the grandson embezzled more than We made arrangements for a state-appointed guardian ad-litem to take over the finances forthwith The grandson was removed Lydia had been a caregiver for more than years so she was hired Six months later Mom passed away quietly at her home A insufficient weeks later I received a phone call from Lydia telling me that she had accidentally taken a few of Mom s rings home with her She must have known the guardian would do an inventory and find them missing She made up specific ridiculous story about how they ended up in her purse She even went so far as to tell me that she had taken them to a pawn shop to be appraised She reported me she would mail them back which she did So I have been in a no contact mode feeling very betrayed by Lydia I was recounted by a family member that I need to get over it because we all know how Lydia is I am hurt that I am being made out to be the bad one in this situation I m certain that the family has heard Lydia s version of the truth that majority of likely has little resemblance to the actual facts How do you suggest I handle this situation Ring of Truth Dear Ring This is possibly the best of a series of bad outcomes Lydia may have as you suspect tried to get away with stealing the rings but ultimately that didn t happen and now the rings are back Related Articles Asking Eric Friendly customer system keeps causing conflict Asking Eric Parents try to force reunion with estranged brother Asking Eric After depression cluttered house seems impossible to manage Asking Eric In-law s body hair makes holidays a chore Asking Eric Friend only wants to complain about another friend You can t control what Lydia does and you can t control what your family thinks If you don t want to talk to her you don t have to but if you re going no contact as a way of teaching her a lesson or eliciting a change in behavior you may continue to be frustrated I understand that Lydia s history of lying and the trauma of catching another relative embezzling from your mother has worn on you I don t think your response is unfair or unreasonable But it will help you to say this person can t help herself That s not a clinical assessment by the way But sometimes people do things against their own best interest It can feel like a betrayal but I encourage you to set an internal boundary by thinking of it as a part of the constellation of problems that Lydia has rather than an offense she committed against you This isn t so much for her benefit as it is for yours Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com