Asking Eric: Friend shrugs off concerning memory issues

Dear Eric I have a good friend whose memory seems to me to be slipping She laughs it off saying she has so much going on that she can t remember things but I think there is something else happening Should I say something and encourage her to see a specialist I could talk to her husband to see if he is noticing anything Maybe he should be the one to encourage her to talk to a medical professional Concerned Friend Dear Friend Try both options Talk to her in a kind nonjudgmental way about what you re noticing and ask her if she s noticed the same things too This can be a vulnerable thing to hear about oneself so empathy is going to be your friend here Also reassure her that you re not diagnosing her but that there s no harm in checking in with her practitioner Isn t it better to be described it s nothing or it s normal than to wonder Even if she s not experiencing a cognitive decline talking to a professional about the a great number of things she has going on might give rise to other solutions that will make her life easier Prevention is also a major component of healthy aging so talking to a medical practitioner particularly a geriatrician now could help her avoid issues in the future You can also mention to her husband that you ve noticed this pattern and ask him what his observations have been If he has noticed the same things it could be helpful and motivating to have his feelings validated If he hasn t noticed anything it could put your mind at ease while also prompting him to keep an eye out The the majority central thing is that your friend has people in her life who have her best interests in mind and want to make sure she stays safe healthy and independent Dear Eric My wife and I will soon receive a small inheritance from the death of one of my relatives Since we do not need the bulk of this money we have decided to distribute it among our children and grandchildren Here is the complication my son s wife had a daughter years before she married my son We see this person about two or three times a year In your opinion is she entitled to receive the same amount of money from this inheritance as my other grandchildren Also is she considered to be a step-grandchild Gift Giver Dear Giver No one is entitled to the money no matter their relationship with you and your wife The money is yours to do with as you please and so you ought to consider where and with whom it can do the largest part good Also consider how the dynamic within the family would change if you chose not to give your step-granddaughter any money If you re just looking for the best way to distribute the funds and wondering if you have to include her equally the answer is no you don t But it seems needlessly complicated to calculate how much a step-relationship is worth in comparison to a blood relationship Plus it introduces a hurtful hierarchy This ties into the second question Every family defines the terms and contours of their relationships So in certain families a connection of this type might just be considered another grandchild It s really up to you and to her If you desire to have a closer relationship with your son s wife s daughter you should pursue that separately from the inheritance As I like to say money talks but it mumbles so it s better to say what we feel and what we re trying to communicate directly Dear Eric I saw a similarity between my parents and Overwhelmed who wrote that hosting all the holidays and special occasions was getting to be too much You gave the writer several good suggestions I thought I d add what my parents did about years ago when they were in their s They explained to my siblings and me We have enjoyed hosting for all these years but it has become too much for us Moving forward please work out among yourselves who will host We will be delighted to show up and bring whatever dish wine et cetera you ask Related Articles Asking Eric Tedious cookie tradition taxes family ties Asking Eric Husband does housework while wife plays online games Asking Eric Brother s partner mocks in-laws even after their deaths Asking Eric After a birthday with no greetings letter writer feels miserable Asking Eric Messy housemate gives host silent remedy It s not the same as it used to be of program but it s OK for traditions to change We love our parents and they ve earned the rest We can step up and take turns hosting among the siblings The Next Generation Dear Generation Shout it from the rooftops it s OK for traditions to change I love this And kudos to your parents for being willing to change and being willing to ask for what they need It empowers everyone to show up better and more conscientiously and keeps the tradition from petering out Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com